Thumperboy Go Home

Well it’s that time of year again, when the first rites of Spring seem to include annoying as many people as possible by cruising with the windows down and the box up. You know the guys I’m talking about. The ones that rattle the windows in your house and set off car alarms as they go by. The obnoxiously relentless thump, thump, thump that threatens not only our sanity but our safety as well. So if anybody else out there is as fed up as I am with the mobile mega-bass army, then you might want to read on. Think I’m kidding? Think again. Ordinance 784 in Ocean Shores, Washington concludes that; " WHEREAS the increased sounds emitted from said equipment can constitute a traffic hazard, a health hazard, and can cause a public disturbance;" Nicely done Ocean Shores City Council. If you’re ready to dismiss my cause as some self-serving diatribe, just hang in there with me for a little bit and I think you’ll agree that these souped up subwoofers on steroids are more of a menace than you might have imagined. Loud music itself is not necessarily a bad thing, and we all like to rock out every now and then. But when you exceed safe dB levels on our streets and sidewalks, you pose a danger to motorists and pedestrians alike. Here’s the scene: A busy intersection near a mall and everyone is sitting behind the wheel yakking away or texting on their cell phones. As they wait for the light to change, from the other direction Benny the Boombox comes rolling along in his 10,000 watt Chevy. An approaching ambulance’s siren gets lost in the shuffle, resulting in the tragic death of an innocent bystander. Can we pin the loss on Benny? Should we? Depends on how you see it. Either way, it’s not too hard to connect the dots. The excessive volume of a highly amplified kicker box not only inhibits the driver from hearing important traffic and safety signals, it also limits others nearby from hearing and reacting to what may ultimately be a life saving warning. While it may be a way for some macho young men to publicly express their over active libidos, the only thing they are accomplishing is making themselves look like a bunch of idiots while they are endangering the rest of us. Even if they strike out with the girls they don’t care, and they can still enjoy the fact that they’ve pissed us off in the process. In fact, they often crave the negative attention their obvious disrespect garners. Road rage being what it is, few citizens care to confront these roving bass junkies in their iron clad SUV’s with darkened glass. In the unfortunate circumstance that we get stuck next to thumperboy, most of us just roll up our windows, turn up our stereos, and hope for traffic to start moving. We just sit there and take it, even the cops don’t do anything. Why do we put up with this crap? Are we so afraid that if we say something they’ll blow our heads off? Perhaps we are. And if that’s the case, then things are pretty sad indeed. I’ve managed to confront a few of these morons and my efforts were usually met with a raised middle finger or some similar gesture of intimidation. One guy even followed me for a few blocks before he decided I wasn’t worth his time. After living in Chicago for a long time, I became accustomed to the rumbling of nearby "L" trains and the constant parade of police and firefighters. I let things slide and tried not to get myself worked up, but in search of better schools and quieter neighborhoods, I eventually moved my little family to the suburbs a few years ago. Even though we live on a main street, it’s still pretty quiet except for rush hour. A city friend of mine likes to call it Mt. Pilot because it’s small, homogeneous, and boring. (For those of you who are too young to know where Mt. Pilot is, ask your parents.) I mention this only because the thump-a-thump- thump that was predominantly an urban phenomenon seems to have found its way out to the boonies. It must be spreading like a virus and fueling some sort of uncontrollable aural mutation destined to ruin us all.
Okay, so now that I’ve had my say, where do we go from here? Well believe it or not folks, there is something we can do about this if we get enough people on board. Our wise friends in Ocean Shores, Washington decided they had had enough and passed a local ordinance banning excessive automobile stereo noise. They even use the words " constant thumping of loud base (sic)" For ideas on how your community can do something similar, the entire ordinance can be found at http://www.mrsc.org/ords/O27o784.pdf
So call your alderman, write your representative and e-mail your congressman. If there isn’t any existing legislation we can use to fight these booming bass bullies, let’s enact some. It’s either that or some really good earplugs.

Azzariti Posts First!

Mike Azziriti, longtime friend and fellow biker has done me a great service by being the first to make a post on The Gristmill. He has begun the necessary threads to begin other's interest in my new blog. You can learn more about Mike at http://www.reelchicago.com/story.cfm?StoryID=1759.
Thanks to Mike, signing up for the Gristmill blog is now a lot easier. All you need to do is scroll down to the comments link of the Free Fries story and click on it to open up Mike's comment. Another comment box where you can enter your text directly and post instantly should appear below. In fact, any comments link on this blog should open a text box for you. You could be a bonafide web author without hardly doing anything! There's also a quick subscribe link in the lower right corner to look for. Scroll down all the way to the bottom if you don't see it. I'm keeping this post short because I'm going to hit you with another one soon. Until then, happy blogging and welcome aboard to Anne, and everyone else as well.

Welcome to America - Free Fries with Every Sandwich!

An old boss of mine once asked me " Mike, what’s the most powerful word in the English language? " I thought it was an odd question to be asking a new salesperson so I wasn't sure how to reply. After thinking about it for a moment I decided to be straight with him and said " I don’t know " His response? "Free"
At the time, I dismissed it as the thoughts of a jaded businessman, but now I see the beauty of his logic. Because we are going through some very tough times right now and everybody is looking for ways to get the biggest bang for their buck, companies are constantly using words like "free" and "unlimited" in their advertising pitches. Whether it’s trips to the salad bar or cell phone minutes, they are trying to suck people in and make them think they are really getting something valuable, when in truth, they are giving away only the things that cost them little or nothing. And nothing illustrates this better than the idea of "Free Fries with Every Sandwich", hence the title of this post. For those of you who have been around the block a few times, you probably know where I’m going with this. For the rest of you, bear with me and I’ll explain. You see, as Americans, we have grown accustomed to getting something "thrown in" to close the sale or make a deal. Whether we want it or even need it is secondary at this point, in fact, we feel ripped off if we don’t get to take a doggie bag home from the restaurant. But back to the fries. When you take a moment to do the math, you’ll see what I’m talking about. OK, here we go. Let’s say you go to a fast food joint for lunch and want a burger. You’re really not that hungry and you could do just fine with only the burger and maybe a drink, but when you approach the counter or pull up to the drive thru, they pitch you the "value meal". Because it includes fries and a drink and has the word "value" attached to it, it seems like a good deal. A quick calculation of the meal if purchased a la Carte confirms your smart shopper instincts, so you go ahead and order the number four combo. Congratulations! You’ve just been had. In sales speak it’s called up selling. Here’s how it works: The burger costs them maybe a buck and a half to make. If they sell it to you for two bucks, they make only fifty cents profit, less operating expenses, wages, insurance and blah, blah, blah. Now their margin is down to maybe a quarter. Not acceptable. So they price the items in a way that makes ordering the drink separately cost you almost as much as the burger itself, same thing with the fries. They know that you will need something to wash down all that salty food with and that you probably don’t have the time or inclination to go elsewhere. The combo meal costs you four bucks, but the fries and drink only cost them maybe another fifty cents to deliver. They’ve just increased their profit margin by a whopping 700% and you just got fatter and poorer. Nice work if you can get it. The cable TV companies and cellular providers do the exact same thing and call it a "bundle". Five hundred channels of crap when all you really want is one or two good ones. Unlimited texting? What the hell do I need that for? All I want to do is make a call when I need help or tell my wife that I already picked up the milk. No can do my friend. The "basic" package is priced just like the drink at the fast food place. So, if you buy it ala Carte, you might as well get the "bundle" whether you need eight thousand minutes a month or not. And so it goes, so it goes, and so it goes, and so it goes, and where it’s going nobody knows. Hey, aren’t those the lyrics to a song? But I digress. Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed my little rant today and hope you will log on for the next one. Until then, skip the fries and turn your cell phone off. Try talking with an old friend face to face if that’s still possible, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll all be a little happier, healthier, and have a little more coin left in our pockets.